So. I feel so much better now. I want to thank Tiffany, Ming Hui and my sister from encouraging me to go on. :D
I got this from a link from my sister's blog (Jessica)
You know you're fucked when...
2) You are exhausted, but you still cannot sleep properly at all... and you spend night after night thinking about the thing you're trying not to think about.
7) When you have to resort to the internet as a way of releasing emotions.. e.g - create an emo blog post as an oh-so-subtle hint to everyone about how you're feeling
9) You have to pretend that you are okay. Okay people don't pretend, when they are sad, they are sad.. Because they're not afraid. The ones who pretend to be the strongest are the ones who need help the most.
10) You smile and laugh in the day...
.....
But the tears still fall at night.
So nowadays, i will hardly be online, i will try. So yesterday night i didnt even talk to him unless you count the 'daddy' when i came home and before he scolded me. I didnt even bade my family goodnight. So anyway, what i'm going through now is only temporary, in a weeks time, i hope i am better. Well my score isnt that bad like what tiffany said. My A's are quite high, since i only got 1 a star. So now i'm afraid that when i go to RI, i will be STRONGLY and SERIOUSLY discriminated. Its inevitable. Well maybe i'm just paranoid but i can imagine the fingers pointing at me, being shunned by others. Well after all these, who is to blame? me. Blame me for being complacent. Blame me for not working hard. SIGH.
Well my mum's friend said that my score isnt that bad, they even congratulated me. Well I SWEAR I'M GOING TO WORK HARD! I AM NOT GOING TO LET THOSE PEOPLE DISCRIMINATE ME. THOSE WHO DOES ARE BLOODY IDIOTS! AND I WILL PROVE TO THEM I AM BETTER THAN THEM. Well thank goodness i have friends who helped me.
So this was what my sister wrote on her blog. And i thank her for that.
Yes, we may be disappointed now. But, what matters most now is that you'd work harder &prove to everybody that you're much more btr than what the black &white shows. Secondary life is a whole new era, a whole new life. Once you slipped (like me), it's very hard to get back on your feet again. But, so what? This is life, this is bloody reality. You'd have to face up to your worst fears &fight them to claim your victory. It's a long way to go. Trust me, you think I do not understand what you're going through? I do, I do, I do. I work more bloody hard than you trust me about that. Listen, at that point of time. I mug during recess, I rushed home &used to computer not more than 30minutes, &it's back to mugging all the way till night again. I gave up on all those 7oclock &9oclock shows. I mug even when I'm out eating with mummy for 15minutes. That's how crazy I am. This is my way of working hard. I know you work very hard too. Who doesn't wna get high marks right? I know you are anxious, &above all of that. I know you are disappointed with yourself. But it's okay. This few weeks may be torture. But once everything settles down. The most crucial bit is to work hard everyday. In secondary school my dear, everyone goes to school and say oh oh i was sleeping at home. oh oh i never study at all. oh oh heck la don do homework. oh oh i never touch them was dota-ing. PUHLEASE. know that all this are fake okay ! Secondary school, everybody are fakers. I've got so much i wna tell you. But i really just want you to know i'm still here for you, we'd work hard &strive to be better. No matter how hard everything seems, it's really possible. Because, I trust in you. Okay bro? Love ya.
Believe it or not, i cried reading it. OI who says guys cant cry. I am very emotional or temperamental. Sigh sigh sigh well cya people. My post may now be once every few days. Zzzz depending on my mum's mood