Sigh, going emo again......
canp was okay.
the text bellow is full of my ranting, my sorrow etc. you can choose not to read it, i just want to explode it out.
I'm really really fed up alr, screw projects, screw this shit. I'm really really scared, scared that i cant make it through the next term. I know i sound like a spoilt pampered brat or whatsoever. Well maybe i am, i cant be bothered about what you think anymore. If you say i'm stupid, that's your choice to believe it, cause i'm really fed up alr. I know i'm just a freaking junior like SEC 1 only. So if i'm sec 4, i may even be like dying. I'm totally screwed and fucked up. I'm really tired. I almost cried on the train. I'm worried i cant get the scores i want. I'm just an average person in ri, i'm like useless, there are hundreds out there much smarter than me. I'm trying, i tried! I REALLY TRIED. I'm really scared i really break down totally next term. With all these fucking projects and hw. I'M REALLY REALLY SCARED.
i sent tiffany this yesterday
"...i really feel like quitting ncc now. i'm really really exhausted. i have never felt like this before. i feel like changing school. i miss the time i spend with my family. screw school. ruin my life. i relaly feel fucked up, i dont want to sound like some spoilt brat. but this emotion inside me, its really unbearable"
"JUST SO YOU KNOW THIS FEELING'S TAKING CONTROL OF ME AND I CANT HELP IT"
I'm really tired of faking all these smiles. My laughter is fake. My smiles are fake. It really feels bloody different. I'm like a fake me.
NCC
Our sec 4s next year are like totally different from our sec 4 now. Everytime they talk, vulgarities spill out like plain water. Call me a coward, i really dont like it. I'm trying to adapt. But its totally screwing.....
I'm fed up lar.
I need counselling
I'm worried about life.
If i was just a little less mature, i could be like some kids now, enjoying life as it was, without caring about next year, the year after that......
Okay back to the point, camp was enjoyable enough. :D it was like a chalet, according to my sis.
DAY 1.
It was suppose to be the displine day, but for sec 1s not that much, but still we got scolded dont know how many times. Oh yeah, our meals were rather special :D. For lunch we had packed food. Then after that went for sharing, where staff clement shared about his trip to new zealand, then i think i saw my sis's friend's face. OH YEAH. EVERYBODY WAS LIKE 'OOOOHHHHHHHH' WHEN THE PICTURES OF CLEMENT WITH LIKE A FEW GIRLS! HAHAHA SO FUNNY. So after that was dont know what. Then dinner was field cooking, quite fun :DD. So after that we went to watch 2 scary movies. Japan one. I was closing my eyes 5/6 of the whole duration. 1st movie wasnt that scary, 2nd movie, was freaky, the other sec 1s were screaming, as in the high-pitch one. Solo night was okay :D.
DAY 2.
For breakfast, we had like bread and we choose the spread we want. HAHAHA So went for amazing race.
Went from:
Bishan-Orchad (outside RGS)
Orchad-Yio Chu Kang
Yio Chu Kang-Jurong East (IMM)
Jurong East-City Hall (Esplande)
City Hall-Lavendar (Army Market)
Lavendar-Bedok (East Coast)
So we camped at east coast :DDDD. THIS WAS THE LOVE. We had bowling session that night! So hahaha that night was raining, so at 3+ we woke up and went to shelter, then at 4+ went to macdonalds :DDDD. So we had breakfast :DDD
DAY 3
So after cycling, then pack up, go back to RI, pack up somemore, then break camp :DDDD
YAY. Today must finish the 2 projects. Wish me luck!